Thursday, October 25, 2012

Mercies of Motherhood

Most of what I write about these days (here and elsewhere) is about being a mom and raising a family.  I love my life.  It is full of wonderful moments.  Realistically, though, for every wonderful moment, I have lived through about 100 not-so-wonderful moments.   It’s in those not-so-wonderful moments that I sometimes fantasize about what I’d be doing had I not had kids.  My fantasy always ends with me being very thankful to be exactly where I’m at.


If you have never day dreamed about life outside of kids, do it for a minute.  At first it sounds wonderful…you sleep through the night, don’t wipe sticky things off the table 4 times a day, and your bathroom stays clean for more than an hour.  You can go out to eat with your hubby, take a walk without a tantrum, and don’t have to repeat yourself like a broken record.  O.k., get past that and keep thinking.


My kids have taught me so much.  I don’t think I, personally, could have learned the lessons I have without each and every one of their unique personalities and influences in my life.  God knows what it will take to get us to where we’re alive in Him, and He’s constantly chiseling away all that hinders His work.  My kids are little chisels.


I would not be as patient as I am if I did not have to deal with baby colic, toddler tantrums, preschooler impatience, and grade school frustration. 


I would not be as loving as I am had I not had little cheeks to kiss and hands to hold.  I would not understand how precious life is if I never felt it form inside of me and watched it grow right before my eyes. 


I would never be so grateful for life had I never fallen in love, over and over again, with such small bodies with such big hearts.  I would have never been so joyful had I never made a baby laugh, tickled a toddler, played hide and seek with a preschooler, or listened to my oldest pray in his room when he thought no one was listening.


I would never be so kind without the ability to see the world through new, fresh, little eyes, the way we were intended to see it.  I would never be so gentle had I not seen the effect of harsh words and hasty actions on little hearts.


I would never be so faithful to what I believe had I not needed to cling to it like I have in these years.  I would never had so much self-control had I not been employed as a full time role model for four sets of eyes and ears. 


I would not be me.


While my personality is the same, my character is different.  For that, I am thankful to the master artist who is at work, and to all those beautiful tools he is using to bring me into who I am meant to be.

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