Celebrating Ten Years of Being Joined to My Best Friend

I haven’t had much time to write these days, much to my dismay.  I may get 5 minutes here or there, but no real down time when I can concentrate.  However, I had planned a post for today.  You see, today is my and my husband’s ten year wedding anniversary.  I had written how we met and how God worked in both of us at the same time and eventually brought us together…it actually was a pretty good post, if I do say so myself!  It was a little long, but I thoroughly enjoyed writing it.  However, no post of mine has ever taken that long and, honestly, has ever been proof read!  I scratched it, and well, here is what is on my heart today…right now…un-edited.

As my head hit the pillow last night, I started realizing the deeper work that God has done in my heart and in our little family over here in the last 10, well even 15 years!  This morning, I woke up to my boys’ smiling faces, just oozing with excitement to wish us a “Happy Versary,” as my 4-year-old would say it.  All day, they have been talking about how wonderful it is that we are married, and how one day they want to marry their best friend.  I even took them on an impromptu trip to the Children’s Museum this morning, where they proudly told all the new friends they had made, “My mommy and daddy love each other so much and today they’ve been married for 10 whole years!” 

Their excitement really has caught me off guard.  We are not the ooshy-gooshy, touchy-feely couple.  We haven’t even talked much about this day, other than to say that it is, in fact, our anniversary.  Heck, we don’t even have anything special planned tonight!  (Don’t worry…we have a date night scheduled next weekend!)

After lunch, I asked my boys why they were so excited.  My oldest said, “Well, you can tell that you really love each other.  No one makes daddy laugh like you and you smile all the time when he’s home. We’re just so happy for you!”  That made my heart melt…and remember.  Those things that are so evident to our kids are what made us realize we were made for each other.  My husband and I have known each other since we were teenagers, serving alongside each other at our youth group.  But, many years passed before God merged our paths into one.  Many things had to happen in each of our hearts, and both of us separately pursued God and His plans for us, not knowing what that would include.

When I was younger, I was hurt and broken.  Having lost his mother unexpectedly, my husband was sad, lonely, and a little lost.  We both told the Lord at a young age that if we were to marry, we had to be sure it was forever.  We both had so much fear, so much anger, so much to heal.  Admittedly, I never wanted to marry anyone.  I thought I’d graduate from law school, land a job in Manhattan, and live my life alone, in an overpriced apartment, with a closet full of suits, surrounded by quiet.  Sounds kinda stuffy, huh?  I left about an ounce of my heart open for the possibility that maybe God had something else up His sleeve.  But I told him that if He did, I needed to know this person inside and out.

Unbeknownst to me, my husband was saying the same thing.  He wanted to be joined with someone that had the same vision and values.  He wanted to also know his wife for a long time, and have her be his best friend.

We got everything we prayed for, and so much more.

Looking back, there were little hints.  When I was 15, I watched him get baptized.  I had maybe said two words to him before that day.  I was the farthest thing from boy crazy, and honestly had no feelings toward him or anyone else at the time.  But, boy oh boy, once that guy hit the water, my waterworks started.  I wept, and then was embarrassed and confused at my seemingly uncontrollable emotions.

We laugh at old pictures.  There are so many of us, way before we had even started becoming friends, when we are side by side.  We have so many pictures of us on mission trips together, playing with little kids.  There are a few of us serving at soup kitchens side by side.  But the funny thing was, we really didn’t speak to each other in those days…yet, we now have a pictorial history book of those days when God was healing our hearts and crossing our paths before we knew it.

 

The summer after my senior year of high school, we went on a mission trip to Guadalajara, Mexico.  We found ourselves walking side by side down a street one afternoon as men started to taunt me.  I could tell he didn’t know what to do.  Before long, our guide had run over to us and informed us that when one is trying to “sell” a woman, he walks her down the street with her on the outside.  Whoops!  We laughed so hard, and I wouldn’t let him forget it!  The rest of the trip we found ourselves cracking jokes, and making each other laugh.  Now, we had been around each other for years at this point.  I knew generally who this guy was, but all of the sudden, I saw so much more.

The next few months we talked more and more.  But my radar was up.  I had been hurt so much in the past and still was not ready for where I thought this was going.  I wrote him a long letter telling him that I really appreciated this new friendship, but I wanted to keep it just that:  a friendship. I was a “no physical contact” girl.  I still really am.  I don’t hug much, and I was uncomfortable being too close to someone…this little fact also made it’s way into the letter because I realized that Dan was a hugger.  If I were to maintain my emotions and trust my new friend, I really needed it to be on my terms.  I think this would officially have scared most people off, but his reply was patient and gentle:  of course we can remain friends, hands-off.  He said that this friendship was much too important to ruin by not being honest with each other.

The next year and a half (got that? Year and a half of no contact) was spent hanging out at young adult events, sometimes with a group of our friends, but mostly letter writing.  At first, we wrote about silly things.  After some time, we shared about what God was doing in our hearts.  Eventually, we opened up and talked about our past, about our hurt, and about how much we had overcome.  One day I woke up and realized that all those feelings that I swore I would never feel were already there.  I had taken all of the precautions, I had people who kept me accountable, I had distanced myself, but still…I was head over heels in love with this man.  

On January 1^st, 2001, he wrote me another letter.  This one asked me whether I would consider letting him pursue me for marriage.  We had never once been on a date.  We had never once held hands.  We had never once even confessed to one another that there were feelings between us.  We didn’t have to.

The next 10 months were even more wonderful than before.  Friends were commenting on how happy I looked and how much Dan laughed.  He continued to write to me almost every day, and I wrote him back.  A little over two years after he tried selling me on the streets of Mexico, Dan asked me to marry him.  The rest is history. 

Here’s what I realized, though, when writing down a much longer version of our story.  Dan’s love language is touch.  He wrestles with our kids, always hugs his family, and loves to sit next to me on the couch and hold my hand.  The two years that I had fallen in love with him was such a sacrifice to him.  Looking back, I realize that he had loved me so much, he didn’t need my love in return.  He was patient, gentle, and selfless.  The other thing that I learned, very soon after we were married, was that Dan considers writing an actual form of torture.  Even making a grocery list can bring tears to his eyes.  Yet, I have probably a thousand letters, emails, and cards that he wrote me.  He pursued me on my own terms, despite his feelings.  What else says love like that? 

Even on our worst day, I have never questioned that we were made for each other.  We truly fell in love, side by side, while looking forward.  My absolute favorite thing to do is make him laugh, and I consider it a challenge to do so before he takes his shoes off every day when he gets home from work.  And yes, from about 5 p.m. until I lay my head on the pillow, I am normally smiling.  If I’m not, he is sure to remedy the situation.  I’m so glad that my kids see the years and years of our friendship still showing through us.  I’m so glad that they want what we have.

 

So today, instead of celebrating love or commitment, faithfulness or romance, we are celebrating friendship.  Our feelings have come and gone.  There have been good days, bad days, great days, and horrible days.  But each and every day, I look into those clear, blue eyes and remember that he is the same friend that waited for me, pursued me, waited some more, and then took me in his arms. 

 

Ten years is a long time.  But if we look back even further from when we first met, we are two completely different people.  What was once broken and full of pain is now, by God’s grace, whole and full of joy.  Marriage is a mystery.  It is hard.  It is work.  But, like they say, it truly is the best kind of work when you’re doing it with a friend.   

 

Ode to Men

It’s so easy to man-bash, isn’t it?  He doesn’t communicate enough, he isn’t thoughtful, he doesn’t help out as much as I need him to, etc. Really this can all be summed up by this phrase:  he’s human.  Guess what?  So are we!  And I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure my hubby could rack up quite the list if he wanted to and woman bash!

To tell you the truth, I’m not a big fan of Valentine’s Day.  I never was.  My husband and I don’t really even celebrate it because, a. our anniversary is in 2 weeks, and b. it was never important to either of us. But as my boys grow, I realize how wonderful it is that there’s a day set aside to remind us to extravagantly love, whether that means our spouse, our kids, our friends, our parents, or a stranger who is all alone.   This morning, I woke up with immeasurable joy knowing that I am blessed woman, surrounded by amazing men who need no reminder to love me extravagantly every day.

So, in light of Cupid’s big day, I thought I’d take a moment to thank my men, both big and small.  As I reflect on who I am and how I’ve got here, I realize that God has used all these guys in some major ways.

Happy Valentine’s Day to my dad.  He is the first man I ever loved.  There was a time that we were not close, but not by his choosing.  There were times I pulled away, but he has always faithfully waited for me.  To this day, he remains the most gentle man I know.  Our visits always seem to short and the years go by so fast.  He taught me what love looks like during a time when I could not see it. He made it a point to live life with me, always taking me on new adventures, whether it was ice skating, hiking through the woods, or teaching me all the swimming strokes.  He imparted in me a hunger for knowledge, and fed it with frequent trips to the bookstore.  He is a servant, and to this day shows me what it means to be a parent and lay your life down, even when it’s not convenient.  Just last week, on one of his only days off, he drove 30 minutes to pick me up and take me to the dr., then to the pharmacy, just to drop me back off and drive 30 minutes back home.  I hope that I can show my kids the love, leadership, and servant-hood the way my dad has shown me.  I’m glad I take after him in so many ways, and am honored to be his daughter. 

Happy Valentine’s Day to my brother-in-law.  There was a time during my adolescence when he was the only man I was allowed to see.  He was the cool guy with the red sports car, playing M.C. Hammer while he took me to Chuck E. Cheese.  He showed me that life could be fun.  He played air drums while I danced around the living room on a Saturday morning.  He made me forget a lot of life’s pain during that time.  He taught me that it’s important to work hard, but not to take all of life’s woes too seriously.  He still is one of the first to tell me how proud he is of me, to cry when I’m crying, and to poke fun at me when I need to lighten up.  Thank you for loving my sister the way you do, and showing your four girls what a great husband and father looks like.

Happy Valentine’s Day to my sons.  All three of them are so different, but so perfect!  Micah, with his compassionate heart, is an absolute thrill to have in my life.  Daily, we talk about God and His word.  We pray together, encourage one another, and enjoy each other’s company.  His heart provokes me.  He is also a constant reminder of God’s faithfulness.  For years we wondered if we’d ever have a child, and he’s the tangible evidence that God does what He said He will do.  Noah, with his exuberant joy lightens the mood of our entire house.  He smiles almost constantly (even when getting disciplined) and he genuinely loves each member of our family in such a divine way.  He always thinks of others before himself, and he teaches me every day that we should enjoy this life that we are blessed with.  Sam, with his fearless, adventurous spirit has molded me into a woman who cannot lack spontaneity and who must let go of expectations.  This is a good thing!  I was rigid and scheduled, but I have learned to slow down and enjoy more…and to always be prepared with gauze and bandages!  All three have servants’ hearts, going above and beyond what I ask them to do.  All three are eager to help around the house, with their siblings, and let us know how much they love us.  You will all be amazing husbands one day, because you are amazing men!

Lastly, Happy Valentine’s Day to the man I was created for.  No one else in the world gets me like he does.  He is the one my soul loves, and if I reminisce about our beginnings, I see how God worked even before we knew much of each other.  From the very first conversation that we had, we started becoming each other’s best friends.  He has taught me how to selflessly love, how to be patient, how to be kind, how to be a servant, and how to serve without grumbling or complaining.  He works so hard for our family, and comes home to wrestle with the boys, help out with the dishes, and run an errand if I need him to.  We’ve watched each other struggle through difficult life issues, but he’s remained faithfully at my side through mine, and I have remained faithfully at his side through his.  I have learned more about I Corinthians 13 love by loving this man, which means he has been doing his job at helping me become more Christ-like.  I am honored and blessed to be his wife, and forever and always consider it my life’s biggest blessing and joy to be forever joined to him. 

I am thankful for the men in my life, and I pray that you find the time to reflect and thank all the men in yours!  Happy Valentine’s Day!

 

 

Sick...Again!

Well, I just can't seem to catch a break this winter season!

After 5 of us battling the flu over Christmas/New Years, we had about 2 weeks of health before I caught another bug that developed into a lengthy case of bronchitis.  Slowly, each of my little ones are coughing and sneezing their way out of the healthy zone. 

I will admit:  I am exhausted and annoyed that despite all the hand washing, sanitizing, and bundling, I have had more sick days in 2013 than healthy by far!  All I want is a few hours of sleep, uninterrupted by my cough, my teething baby, my fevering 6 year old, or my other two little dreamers.  All I want is the energy to be able to do the "basics" around our home, instead of just falling back to survival mode, which is a setting we know all too well around here.

Confessions aside, I have a choice to make.  I can choose to act how I feel, or I can choose to actively love and find the good in this season of life. 

I have been chatting with a good friend about finding the little moments in each day when God is giving us a gift, big or small, instead of being so distracted by our circumstances to stop and breathe.  I remember once when I left a few little encouragement notes for my husband to read when he got up one morning.  I stayed up late, wrote some thoughtful messages that I knew would encourage him during a discouraging season, and tucked them in places where he would normally look during his morning routine.  I woke up to find all of my notes still tucked away, unopened.  Later, I learned that he had woken up late for work and rushed around to get ready, completely missing the encouragments and love notes waiting for him.

I am like that a lot.  I rush around, checking things off my list, feeling overwhelmed with my responsibilities and my energy levels.  However, when I rush around, I miss the little mercies that I get from my Creator each and every day.  I am thankful for my friend who I can text and say "I'm wanting to have a bad attitude," who texts back, "Let's pray that you see His mercies, big or small, today."   I'm thankful for a God who doesn't let our circumstances stand in the way of His neverchanging goodness and faithfulness. 

So, instead of complaining, I want to celebrate my little gifts that I received during my break from health! 

Today's mercies...

1.  No one cried during breakfast, which is EXTREMELY rare, and much appreciated due to a headache!
2.  My boys actually cleaned their room when they were asked, without getting side tracked.
3.  I called the dr. about my oldest, who is fevering and coughing, and they were able to get us right in!
4.  We had the very first parking space at the dr.'s office.
5.  My kids have been napping all at the same time for an hour and a half so far!
6.  I grabbed a box of pasta and a jar of sauce while grocery shopping last week, which I NEVER do...but that's what's for dinner tonight!
7.  I'm able to teach my oldest son, who is miserable with his cold, to look for the little mercies in his day, and he happily found 3!

In every season, I will praise Him and in every season I will tell of His good works.  Look for His little mercies and I think it will put a smile on your face!  (I wish it also acted as concealer under my eyes...but I digress!)

Oh, To Stop Comparing and Start Encouraging!

I’m in a season of life right now that is much akin to being on a roller coaster blindfolded:  motherhood.

Just when you think you’ve soared down the highest hill and can breathe, you are jolted sharply to the right, and then to the left.  Just when you think you can get used to the speed, you are slowly clicking your way up the next hill, never knowing when you’ll drop again.

Yes, that sounds right, doesn’t it?  We all feel like that.  We can be as prepared as any one human can be, but when our jobs are to nurture little beings that we cannot control, unpredictability is an inevitable part of our daily equation.

This unpredictability, this unpreparedness, this wild ride is par for the course.  Every one of us sits in the seat, harnessed in for dear life, with our feet dangling below.  Though we all have different experiences, different children, different environments, one thing is the same: we all have nurturing hearts and the desire to do our very best for our family.  This, my friends, should unite us.  This should provoke each and every one of us to make every effort to encourage each other.  Sadly, though, I feel we often walk around discouraged, watching other moms “do it better,” or so we think.  We read articles about what we should be doing for our sons to make them into solid leaders, or for our daughters to be confident young women.  We are inundated with advice on what we should be feeding our kids and how often.  We are scolded for letting them have too much entertainment, and yet criticized for sheltering them.  Public school is too rough, private school is uptight, and home schooling is just weird.  Get them involved, but don’t have them in too many activities.  

The world in which we live in sets us up for failure.  We will never please everyone, will never parent like everyone, and most certainly cannot adapt our parenting techniques as quickly as the latest expert advice and trends change.  So what’s a mom (or dad) to do?

Thankfully, we don’t have to do this alone. Thankfully, we have someone who sits at the controls of the roller coaster, and who assures our safety.  Thankfully, we have someone who has promised to lead us through this journey, and that someone loves our kids more than we do!

One of my favorite verses to fall back on when I feel like I can’t take the twists and turns anymore is Isaiah 40:11:  “He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.”

In Sunday school two weeks ago, I taught my kids about the name of God Jehovah Rohi, the Lord my Shepherd.  We talked a lot about sheep.  The kids loved to tell me all about how stinky they were, how they were loud, and how they wandered off all the time.  We made the analogy clear that we are like sheep, always running away, and God is our good shepherd, always bringing us back.  But then we read Isaiah 40:11 together.  “He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart.”  They thought it was gross and inconvenient to lug a big, old, smelly sheep that close.  You know what?  I agree.  The love of God, though, is so amazing, that He sees past all that.  He, being holy, righteous and just, makes himself our humble shepherd.  He’s not just “doing his job” but is doing it with extravagant love.  He isn’t struggling with us as parents, wondering when we’ll ever get this right.  He is lovingly, gently leading us.

Why do we criticize other parents?  Why do we criticize ourselves?  Don’t we trust our Shepherd to lead us (and others) to green pastures and still waters?  The love our children need, real, agape love, doesn’t come from attachment parenting, organic food, play dates, or soccer trophies.  It comes from the very heart of God.  We can have the best intentions and can lay down the best plans for our little ones, but without God’s love poured into our hearts as mothers and fathers, we are unable to pour it into our little ones.  We can co-sleep, puree kale, teach Chinese, and run a co-op, but without love, we’ve gained nothing.

With this in mind, why not encourage each other rather than tear each other down?  If someone is a working mom, let’s encourage her…that’s a tough calling!  If someone is a stay at home mom, let’s encourage her…those days are long and discouraging.  If someone feeds their kids happy meals once a week, let’s encourage her…she’s making bellies full.  If someone wants to live processed food free, let’s encourage her…that is a huge time commitment.  If someone sends their child to public school, let’s encourage her…she doesn’t have to cover her child in prayer by herself.  If someone home schools their children, let’s encourage her…it can be challenging and frustrating.  This is not a contest, this is not a game, this is real life, and we can live it together.

Let us not compare and wear ourselves down.  Let us not criticize and confuse the gentle leading in someone else’s life.  Let us not be silent and watch others struggle along.  Let’s be life givers.  Let’s accept one another’s different styles and different leadings.  Let’s celebrate the roller coaster ride, knowing that just as one of us coasts down a hill, another one of us is taking a twist, hanging upside, or screeching to a halt. 

I am a good parent. You are a good parent. Let’s stop beating ourselves up and start being confident role models for our children, future parents in the making.  After all, our gentle Shepherd has us close to his heart and wants the same thing we do: the very best for our young.

Treasuring Children in This Upside Down Kingdom

It happened again.  Upon running an errand with my children, we heard the ever-so-popular comment: “Boy, you have your hands full,” not once, not twice, but four times while in the store for 20 minutes.

I had to make a mid-morning run to the store with all four children in tow.  After making sure everyone’s face was clean, I supervised two kids putting on socks shoes while wrangling the other two squiggly children to put their respective footwear on.  Four coats were on and zipped.  Four hats were secured to their heads.  Four car-seats were buckled in place, and we were off.  Upon opening the van door, I discovered we were missing shoes, hats, socks, and somehow an arm had been de-sleeved.  I did the best I could to re-dress the kids to get them in the store.

We pulled up the cart, baby in front, toddler in back, with each big boy holding on to a side.  They know the drill.  They hardly ever make errands difficult.  They don’t ask for anything, don’t whine, don’t run away.  The biggest problem is the getting there…still dressed.  My two-year old started singing his rendition of “Polly Wolly Doodle All the Day,” and the baby started clapping.  As we happily walked down an aisle, a man said “Whoa, you have your hands full!” in a tone much less than encouraging.

I’m sort of used to this.  We either get that comment or “Are these all yours?”  We pressed on.  Two aisles later, an older woman said “Oh my goodness, look at all these children!  Poor mom!”  I graciously smiled, and my kids grew quiet.  On our way to checkout, another little one said “Look mom!  Baby!”  To which she replied, “Yes, and a lot of other kids too!  You sure do have your hands full, you poor thing.”  Finally, at the checkout, the store employee had the double-whammy:  “Are all these yours?”  Yes.  “Boy, do you have your hands full!  You guys better be good for mommy!” 

Now, like I said, I’m sort of used to this.  But it always had bothered me.  Yes, there are days when I don’t sit down.  There are moments of frustration when all I want to do is cry.  There are times when one of the kids have to wait for me because I’m doing something with another, and that gets emotionally challenging.  But, truth be told, I felt like this when I had just one! 

When we got home from the store, my 6 year old asked, “Mom, are you o.k.?  You’re hands are full and I think that’s a bad thing.”  You see, people make these comments as if I’m walking around with children who have no ears, no brains, no common sense.  These strangers’ comments are slowly teaching my children about how society views children.  Poor mom. What a burden. Don’t you have any time for yourself?  Slowly, these thoughts and comments seep into little minds who have began questioning their importance to me and to others.

After my son’s comment, I gathered my boys and we had a big hug that turned into a cuddle.  I told them that my hands were full, but not the way all those people at the store think.  I told them, as I held them tight, my hands were full of love, and joy, and silliness, and amazing gifts that were just for me. 

In my short time as a mom, I have learned much about what society thinks about children.  They are a financial burden, a handful, a problem for mom.  I suppose I can view these comments as ways to sympathize with me, but in reality, I’m not in mourning!  I’m alive because of my kids.  Unfortunately, every time we leave the house, they are exposed to this rhetoric, and they’re starting to listen and learn. 

My heart was heavy last night as I went to bed.  How, Lord, can I teach them that they are not a burden, but a blessing.  The answer came this morning.  We opened our Bible and the story we were scheduled to read was “The Friend of the Little Children” taken from various parts of the Gospels, Matthew 18 and 19, Mark 10, and Luke 18.  I love how The Jesus Storybook Bible put it.  After arguing who was the most important in God’s kingdom, the disciples watched as a group of children ran to Jesus.

“Jesus’ helpers tried to send them away. ‘Jesus doesn’t have time for you!’ they said.  “He’s too tired.’ But they were wrong.  Jesus always had time for children.  ‘Don’t ever send them away!’ Jesus said. ‘Bring the little ones to me.’”

Sounds familiar.  Poor Jesus, he’s too tired for such a handful.  Can you imagine as the onlookers watched these energetic little ones climb onto a tired Jesus’ lap asking him to tell them a story.  Boy, does he have his hands full!  Boys and girls, you better be good for him!

“Well, after all the laughing and games, Jesus turned to his helpers and said, ‘No matter how big you grow, never grow up so much that you lose your child’s heart: full of trust in God.  Be like these children.  They are the most important in my kingdom.’” 

You should’ve seen the look on my oldest son’s face as I read these words.  It was as if relief had come to his worried mind.  It wasn’t just me who said he wasn’t a burden, but Jesus said it himself!  I am not to be pitied, but rather I should be regarded as a very blessed woman! I get to spend my days and nights with the most important in His kingdom!  Most of the time, however, we are received in a very different manner.  What an upside down kingdom we live in.

Children are a lot of work.  Remember the 8 shoes 8 socks, 4 coats, 4 hats that lasted about 10 minutes of travel?  In order to have them behave in a store, there was much training involved.  There are tantrums, bad attitudes, and more physical labor than I could have imagined.  But there is joy, laughter, hugs and kisses.  And though they are not always innocent, and though they are not always wise, they are pure in heart.  And the pure in heart will see God.

I cannot control what people say, but I will relentlessly be the voice that is constantly whispering the truth in their ears: they are not a burden, but a gift and the closest thing to real joy and love this side of glory.

 “Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him.” Psalm 127:3 NLT

Not Just Dreaming But Doing

Do you ever find yourself going through the motions of life for months, even years, without any definitive goal except for survival?  Is it just me?  At the end of 2006, our son was born, and about every 18 months since then we’ve welcomed another lovely addition to our family.  We’ve had a perpetual toddler.  Our mounds of laundry grow larger each year, our bank account smaller.  Our goals have been to do the best we can with what we’ve been given.  However, this non-specific goal left us near-defeated by the end of our long, busy days, facing the doom of getting up the next morning to repeat it all over again.  Life goes by so quickly that there are moments that my husband and I look at each other in disbelief that we have all these kids!

Now, I have accomplished much in life…before kids.  I won awards, was always at the top of my class, held down a job or two at a time, and somehow had time to serve others.  Perhaps I used all of my life’s allotted energy in my earlier years?   Yes, energy levels and responsibility levels are different, but there’s another difference.  I used to set goals.

Before you stop reading and think great, just another post about New Year resolutions, that’s not what I’m talking about.  It just so happens that at the end of the year, we start reflecting on the good and bad and resolve to change all that went wrong.  I didn’t lose as much weight last year as before, so I resolve to do it this year.  Nope. That’s just not enough for me.  I have to roadmap it. 

The truth is that I have a responsibility to teach my little guys and girl (eventually) to set goals for themselves.  Proverbs 29:18 says “Without vision, a people perish.”  If we do not know where we’re going, we’re never going to get there.  We can have the best intentions in the world, but they will remain intentions unless there is a declaration (or resolution), a goal, a plan to achieve that goal, and a time frame.  This is a goal formula I used to follow and it has been responsible for some great success.  Now, it’s time to revive it and pass it on.

Family meeting time!  Our kids loved goal setting.  Their resolve was oozing out of their ears. I’m going to play baseball everyday and be the best baseball player ever and play on the Indians.  Yes, my dear 4-year-old, that’s a lofty one!  I want to feed all the orphans in the world.  Ah-my 6-year-old is a kindred spirit of mine!  We let them go on and on, enjoying hearing the high hopes held in the heart of a child.  Then we explained we’re going to roadmap our goals and commit to a plan to get us there.  Silence.  Silence, followed by a change of goals.  Suddenly, they became more realistic.

Our boys are learning something about change.  First, we have to be intentional about what we want to change or improve.  Second, we must have a plan to accomplish those changes.  Third, accountability helps a lot. 

It took awhile, but we listed and planned out our family and individual goals for 2013.  We listed several and planned how we’ll get there.  We incorporated those wonderful high hopes into a list of things that they want to accomplish eventually.  Instead of playing on the Indians this year, we tweaked our little guy’s goal to something he can work on to get him there some day.  Instead of feeding all the orphans in the world this year, we talked about what we could realistically do to make an impact in some kids lives.

One of my goals is to learn how to do everything without grumbling or complaining.  My plan includes starting a gratitude journal and writing in it everyday.  I am using prompts from Ann Voskamp’s “One Thousand Gifts.”  Every day I think through her prompts and list what I’m thankful for.  It’s amazing how practicing gratitude changes our perception!

I’m excited about 2013.  I feel like a fog has lifted and survival is no longer our end goal.  While there are days (plenty of them) when that’s all we can do, I want to run this race the best I can.  It’s hard to run a race wisely when we can’t see the finish line.

So, here’s to 2013!  Here’s to goal setting once again!  Here’s to the excitement of future success!  Here’s to watching my family accomplish great things through the grace of God!

 

“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.  Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 3:12-14

 

Truth Be Told, We Don't Do Sick Well

Well hello again!  It’s been awhile.

Somehow I blinked mid-December and when I came to, I realized it was already a few days into the New Year.  Often, the holidays can do this to us…especially moms.  Between the cooking, the cleaning, the wrapping, the planning, the preparing…it’s like going on vacation-afterwards, you need a vacation!

As I write today, I have a fevering baby lying on my chest.  I’m not completely sure, but I think that we have somehow physically become inseparable within the last week, as if she could not survive apart from being held close to me.  But this is the only way she’ll sleep.  And when she’s not sleeping, she’s crying, with her hoarse little voice and runny nose.  And she has to be tired because as we sit here, we can hear a symphony of coughing all around us.  Next door is her 2 year old brother with croup, working hard to get all of that yuck out of him.  Behind us are her two older brothers, both with coughs, spiking fevers, and now viral rashes.  Despite all the noise and interruption, she is sleeping to the sound of my heartbeat.

It’s been a rough week around here.  My husband had 5 days off of work and we were planning on catching up on life and getting ahead.  So much for that plan!  We are about 10 more steps behind.  We’ve taken turns for the last week holding little ones, with very little time spent when no one is in our arms.  Our backs hurt, our necks are sore, and we’re just plain tired.  We have come up with some crazy meals around here, pulling together anything remotely healthy that we could have on the table between crying spells.  And amidst the crying, the coughing, the sneezing, the fevering, and the vomiting, we found out that someone has been running up our credit card.  Ah, life.  There is a reason for the saying “when it rains, it pours.”

Just when I thought I couldn’t take any more, today my husband went back to work.  Today the morning’s symphonies of coughing and crying were all for me to enjoy alone.   But this morning was a little different-a little more intense.

This morning I bundled all four runny-nosed, goopy eyed little ones and piled them into the van to go to the dr.  As we were sitting there, crying and coughing as usual, my two year old tripped and got a bloody nose.  No problem.  I was holding the crying baby and the crying, bloody toddler when I look over to discover that my 6 year old was swelling up and breaking out into a rash, right there in the waiting room!  He started crying because his feet hurt all of the sudden.  Hmm…o.k.  At least we were in the dr.’s office!  I shifted the other two so I could have a free arm to hug him.  My 4 year old was quietly watching the fish swim around the tank when, no joke, he went into a coughing fit that literally wouldn’t stop for the next 15 minutes.  Ah-we were the picture of health and wholeness!  Truth time: in my heart and in my head, there was not a good thought to be found.  I love these little guys, but enough was enough.  Mommy’s sick too.  Does anyone care?  Thank goodness my inward grumbling and complaining was interrupted by the nurse calling our name.

Four checkups later, we were on our way to the pharmacy at Target.  I dreaded the trip seeing as the dr.’s office wasn’t so easy.  The inner dialogue started again: this stinks.  I didn’t even have time with my husband during the holidays because of all of this.  I haven’t slept in forever.  It’s cold. I’m hungry.  Gosh, I can spiral downward fast!

For some reason, everyone seemed to be at Target today at 11:00 a.m.  I had never had to park so far away!  I carried the two younger ones, one on each aching hip, while the other two walked along like little ducklings, braving the cold wind.  Two in the cart, two holding onto the sides, we rushed to the pharmacy.  While waiting for our prescription, we grabbed another humidifier, some mucinex, more ibuprofen, and some Gatorade.  My kids were dragging at this point.  My poor baby was leaning sideways in her seat, unable to hold her head up.  We paid for everything and were on our way out.  I realized at that point that I had not stopped moving since I was awakened early this morning.  Exhaustion set in.  No, not yet!  I still have lunch to make and kids to settle down for a rest!  I need a cup of coffee!

It was then I heard this little voice that I love so much.  My six year old looked up at me as we were walking out of Target and said, “It’s been a really good day today, hasn’t it Mom?”  I looked at him in disbelief.  How in the world could this be classified as a good day?  I hadn’t had time to even have a glass of water yet.  I’m covered in snot.  I literally watched him break out into a big swollen mess as I was holding one crying, fevering baby and consoling another sick, nose-bleeding child.  I haven’t slept in a week.  My house is an absolute mess.  We’re almost out of food.  I haven’t been able to put the baby down for 7 whole days.  But I didn’t say anything.  I smiled and said “Well buddy, it could’ve been worse.”

 

That’s when I had to crawl back into my head and yell at myself.  It’s not about you.  It’s about love.  It’s easy to love when someone is lovable.  It’s easy to love your kids when you have a bedtime to look forward to.  It’s easy to love your spouse when everyone is rested and there is no crisis to deal with.  It’s entirely a different story when you’re being pushed to your limit of sanity!  But these little ones are always watching and trying to figure things out.  Yes, my dear one, it’s been a really good day because we get to be together.

 

Here’s the truth:  the Stacks had a messy week.  But it could be worse.  We’re not watching our kids suffer through a hopeless situation.  We are not alone.  Our bodies will recover.  We are blessed by each other and by the home that we have.  We are blessed by the amazing wisdom and optimism that exudes from our little ones.  We can choose to dwell in that inner dialogue where it’s so easy to see the negative, or we can choose to see the good in our day.  We are together.  We are rich in love.  That’s what it’s all about.

Happy New Year!  The Stacks will get better, and then watch out!  We are ready for this to be the best year yet!  Look for the good in today, love each other, and listen to the little ones in your life!   

 “Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them - every day begin the task anew."

-St. Francis de Sales-