“Beauty is in the eye
of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or
misinformed beholder a black eye.”
– Miss Piggy, The Muppets
When I’m rushing to
get everyone out the door, making sure the boys have taken that last fateful
trip to the bathroom, counting the number of diapers I have packed, and making
sure I remember to look in the mirror myself, she’s waiting patiently to get her hair
done. She sits up straight and still,
and always wants to look in the mirror when her styling is complete.
My husband and I
laugh. If you know me, you know how
simple I am when it comes to my “routine.”
My hair is usually in a pony tail, and I have minimal makeup on, if any
at all. My only piece of jewelry that I
sport 99% of the time is my wedding band.
So my pretty princess did not get her desire for all things pretty and
shiny from me at all.
Her innate desire
to be beautiful has caused me to sit back and wonder what God has written on
her heart. This was a deeper ponder than
I wanted to have pondered.
Before my daughter
entered into my life, I would have told you that beauty wasn’t important to
me. But now I can say that that would
have been an ignorant, quickly dismissive statement. Logically speaking, who doesn’t love to look
at something beautiful? Who doesn’t want
to feel like they live in a beautiful place, or to vacation somewhere that they
consider beautiful? Who doesn’t
appreciate the beauty of nature? Who
doesn’t notice a handsome man or a beautiful woman as they walk by? We, by
nature, appreciate beauty.
Who doesn’t love a
compliment? Even in my hard-hearted
days, a compliment made me feel alive inside, whether or not it showed
outwardly. And though we should not give
other people’s opinions power over us, our emotions and our thinking, their
words of encouragement tend to give us joy.
Logically speaking,
then, beauty is important to me. I like
beautiful things, and I love receiving an unexpected compliment. Why then have I flippantly dismissed beauty
for such a long time?
Well, my pondering
has brought up many reasons. And much
(but not all) has to do with the way I grew up.
I didn’t have the mom figure telling me I was beautiful or guiding me
through what I call “the awkward years.”
No one taught me how to dress for my figure, or do my hair and make
up. But arguably, many women, even with mothers,
have that same absence in their lives.
Some women take it
upon themselves to learn, because they are honest with themselves that they
desire to be beautiful. No, not me. I hid from it. I saved all the insecurity of my awkward
years in a box, right next to my 3 makeup items and hair appliances I rarely
use. And when I walk into the bathroom
on a quest to look how I want to feel, instead of reaching for my mascara, I
take out that box, sort through it while looking into the mirror, and walk out
resigned to never be beautiful.
Now, I’m being
totally honest here. I have gone to
enough teachings, enough small groups, and read enough books on what beauty
is. And I’m a firm believer that beauty
does not define you. It does not give
you confidence. It does not give you
joy. You know what it gives you? Beauty.
It is, of itself, something to behold.
It is something created to celebrate.
And we are something created to celebrate.
I watch my daughter
adorn herself in the morning, and look at me with such joy. I watch her older brothers finding her so
adorable for acting so feminine. And I
wonder when and why I decided to not allow that freedom and that joy in my own
life.
I hid behind my
intellect, reasoning that God looks at the heart, not the hair. And that’s true! Don’t get me wrong. But my heart was not right. Because instead of seeing myself as He sees
me, I saw something different…something undesirable…something that wasn’t worth
investing in. And I hid behind the lies
of busyness, and priorities, and excuses in order to not deal with my heart
issues.
I hesitate to write
all of this because it is difficult, especially for Christian women, to invest
in themselves without feeling vain. We
don’t want to be that fleeting beauty, but we want that Proverbs 31
character. While the Word says that God
looks at the heart, He also looked at the beauty of His creation and saw that
it was good.
I think of all the
times when my husband has paid me a compliment, and I’ve struggled so much
because internally I’m thrilled but externally I roll my eyes and play it
off. I think of times when I get
together with a friend and they tell me I look great and I begrudgingly say, Oh geeze, thanks, but
I don’t feel great, completely
not receiving that compliment. And then
I think of God looking at me, a created woman, and as He gazes on my, dare I
say, beauty, He says that it is good.
Man, am I convicted.
My beauty that He
created is good. I see that every time I
watch my daughter twirl in a pretty dress, with her pigtails and
necklaces. She is beautiful and not
vain. She is beautiful and not
proud. She is beautiful and knows it,
but does not chase after it. I pray that
she stays humble and confident, chasing after the eternal, but always knowing
how precious and gorgeous she was made.
So I decided to
confide in a friend a few weeks ago about my quest for beauty. And when I say friend, I mean the kind where
you know that before you were born God just knew you were going to be friends forever
kind of friend. I confided in her
because she has known me most of my life, knows all my secrets and insecurities
as well as my strengths and confidences.
She is beautiful on the inside and out and knows how to make women feel
the way they were created to feel.
We had a great
conversation about how beauty is something that God made, and that is o.k. to
want that. I want my daughter to feel
beautiful, but I think my heavenly Father probably wants that for me too. I confided that I feared trying to look nice
because I was afraid of what others would think…Oh, this is you trying to actually look nice?! But through our conversation, I realized
that I was perpetuating the same perversion of beauty that I logically tried to
avoid. I was placing my beauty in the
context of other people and not my own.
Here’s when the Miss Piggy quote comes in…I am beautiful. And if others don’t agree, they probably just
need a perspective adjustment. I can
list for you the things I don’t like
about myself, but the power of life and death is in the tongue, and I want to
appreciate who God made me inside and out.
While I know He looks at the heart, the way we perceive and fall out of
gratitude for who He made us on the outside can start to make our hearts grow
sick. I am on a journey of health and wellness,
and it includes healing my heart from years of insecurity and denial and
embracing the way He knit me together uniquely and divinely.
The Epilogue:
Here’s the fun part!
My very beautiful friend, who I confided in, asked me to
meet her at her house last night for a surprise. She’s a make up artist, and I had asked her
to give me a few tips to update my look.
She did such an amazing job of accenting all the beauty in my face,
teaching me little tips and tricks along the way. After our make up session, she whisked me off
to a beautiful salon to get a new cut and some styling tips from a really great
hair stylist. I felt as if there should
have been cameras following us along on our journey! I was living a real life make over totally
steered solely by my very own friend.
She went out of her way to schedule time with me, which is no small task
for a busy mom of three little boys! She
set everything up ahead of time, even sending my picture to the salon so that
they could be ready with some ideas. And
when I walked out feeling fresh and new, we went out and laughed and had some
great conversation. It was a night I
will never forget!
I woke up this morning with my newly styled hair and makeup
tips and took only about 10-15 minutes to put myself together. Hmm, it’s not that difficult after all. And I made myself a promise. My friend thought I was beautiful and wanted
to invest in me, and I want to steward that investment. Instead of looking at my flaws, I’m going to
enjoy the beauty God has given me. So without further adieu, I proudly present you with an updated me...and it feels great!
I want my daughter to see the world through His eyes. In a culture obsessed with looks, trends, and perfection, I know it will be a challenge to keep her eyes focused on what matters most at times. But I want her to see herself the way God sees her…the way her dad and I see her. She is absolutely stunning. She is amazing. I treasure her beauty, and she has inspired me to treasure my own.
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