When is it, exactly, in our lifetime when we start to lose
our self confidence? When is it that we
start to feel self conscious? When is it
that we start to lose sight of what makes us come alive, and rather choose to
act in a way that we feel “safe” in the eyes of those around us?
Just a few weeks ago, I realized that my oldest child, a
mere 6 ½ years old, is starting to feel less than adequate in some areas. And my heart broke in a whole new way.
Twice a week, we try to quick clean the whole house. It’s amazing how quickly things around here
can clutter up and get grimy! To make it
fun, we play some upbeat tunes, set a timer, and see if we can finish cleaning
the room in the allotted time. It’s
become our favorite way to get our chores done, and I’m often asked on
non-cleaning days if we could “just do timer cleaning on just one room,
pleeeeaaaase!”
Once the timer is set, and our playlist is queued up, dust
rags, vacuums and mops join the chorus of many voices singing, little fists
pumping in the air. Yes, cleaning day
over here is wild and loud, but we don’t mind getting our chores done!
Just a few weeks ago, as I sprayed everyone’s dust rags
during one of our favorite cleaning songs, I noticed one less voice joining our
chorus. There stood my oldest, cleaning,
but clearly feeling awkward,
restraining himself from joining in our family fun.
I took him aside to see what the matter was, thinking he
wasn’t feeling well or that perhaps he had something else on his mind. I didn’t expect him to say, “Mom, it’s just that
I don’t sing as well as you or Noah, so I thought I wouldn’t be a bother and
not sing at all.” Of course, my first
response was, “Honey, of course you’re as good as us! You should
still sing!” His little brother was
listening and also rushed into the scene, attempting to encourage big brother
and tell him he sings beautifully.
Later that day, my dear son said he wanted to talk. “I know
I’m not as good as you are at singing. I
also know that I am good at other
things. I just don’t want to do the
things I’m not good at anymore.”
Time to be honest: as
much as I absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt, LOVE to hear my son sing, it’s true that he’s not going to be
recording a Billboard hit in his future.
But my heart was to encourage him not to quit. Singing is praising, and the Lord only
requires us to make a joyful noise, not a perfectly harmonic noise. Besides, who is to say who is good and who is
better? And furthermore, who says that
you can’t improve if you just keep trying?
These are all the things that were whirling through my head,
but all that came out of my mouth was “for now let me pray about this and we’ll
talk later.” Thank you Lord for teaching me a little restraint! The more I thought about it, the more I
realized, our choice to restrain ourselves, sometimes resulting in fear, comes
from our inability to realize who we
were created to be. The truth is, we
were each designed specifically by the Creator of the Universe, who chose to
place stars in the sky, give me my curly hair, and give my son the voice He
gave him (which by the way is one of the sweetest sounds I have ever heard in
my life).
I realized that I am just now entering into a season of
knowing who I am, and not in the
sense of what I want to be or do with my life.
No, in being who I am unapologetically. In knowing that my sense of humor is a gift,
and that my intelligence is not a bad thing.
In feeling comfortable in my own skin and with my own voice. In
passionately following things He placed in my heart with no excuses, no
restraint. I will not be the best at
anything I do. There is always going to
be someone more creative, more proficient, smarter, more organized. And I have let that silly truth stop me in my
tracks so many times. But my Creator has
made me exactly who I am, and has
told me in 2 Timothy 1:7 that I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of
power, love, and a sound mind.
And the more I prayed about what to tell my son, I realized
that I would be supportive no matter what he chooses, as long as he walks along
in the confidence that God intended for him.
There are other ways to praise, and he is my one who reads and loves the
Word. He speaks truth over each one of
us. I know that he desires a
relationship with the living God, rather than religion. But still, he is 6. He has a lot to learn, develop, and
practice. So we sat down and examined
some Scripture together to figure this one out.
Here’s a sampling of what we discussed:
1 Peter 2:9 says “But
you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging
to God, that you may declare the praises
of Him who called you out of darkness in to his wonderful light.” (emphasis added)
Psalm 139:13-16
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”
1 Samuel 16:7
“But the LORD said to Samuel, ‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.’”
Matthew 5:13-14“But the LORD said to Samuel, ‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.’”
"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden.”
1 Peter 2:5
“You also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.”
“You also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.”
I looked at his little face and told him how precious he was
not just to me and our family, but to His King who made him just the way he
is. As his smile spread across his face,
it seemed like a light bulb came on. He
apologized for not singing…indeed, he wants to sing…and dance…and play
instruments…this boy was a fountain once we tapped into him! I reminded him he doesn’t sing for us, but for His King…I think he gets
it now. He’s been singing louder and
longer ever since, even writing some of his own songs. I cannot help but ask myself what if we never talked this one
through? What would have happened to
this passion that I see in him now?
When do we lose our confidence? When is it that we abandon what is in our
hearts for something that is seemingly acceptable?
When we lose sight of who we are living and breathing
for. When we choose to please the
created rather than the Creator. When we
have enough self awareness to finally learn what sacrifice might be. But in sacrificing what others think of us,
we rest in a place of true joy, walking in confidence, and becoming the person
we were destined to become.
Here are some of my boy’s latest worship lyrics:
God, you
are my King,
The best
King,The only King.
You are more powerful than anything.
You are my King.
You are my King.